Andrew Reid: Curb Your Enthusiasm

Christmas lunches - I like these so much I had two this year. One at my mum’s house on the day itself and one also at my mum’s on boxing day when Zara (dear beloved sister, above) came down. But the crackers were fucking awful. And by that I do not mean the cream crackers, for we didn’t have any cream crackers. We had Christmas crackers. The gifts? I got a sellotape dispenser, Steve got a spring on a keyring, and my mum got a set of mini screw drivers too small to hold by a human hand.

Christmas was amazing. But it was fraught with difficulties. For example how do you pacify your mum when your sister is spending all her time at her new boyfriend’s house, even on Christmas Day? Well - its up to her what she does, but the Reid family unit was slightly less of a unit this Christmas. Needless to say I went home to Whaley and I was bored after about 10 minutes. So I went out to the pub and the off to see Zara at her boyfriend’s house, which is less like a house and more like a castle. My mum’s mince pies are from Tesco, their mum makes theirs. Our dog is a greyhound with a walnut for a brain, their dog is more alert and intelligent than Jeremy Paxman. Our house has a garden. Their’s has a field.

But still, I spent a lot of time at my mum’s and enjoyed it a lot. It was great to see the family and it was good to be in the country side. Kristina sent some photos she took of the snow covered trees in Germany and the scenery reminds me of Derbyshire a little bit. Beautiful, haunting country side. And it will always be a part of me.

Had a great night out with Sam, Andy and Matt the other day. Followed by a big hang over. And Zara’s boyfriend Pete is a top bloke, and so is his family. But what of the many tribulations though? Everything else I am going to write about will probably upset someone or other, so I’ll keep it to myself. I will however recall a coincidence which happened.

On Facebook someone messaged me asking if I was the ‘Andrew Reid’ she met.
I said no.
Then she read all my blogs.
She was very angry at the one about Buxton night life.
So she left an angry comment.
And it turns out my friend knows her name.
I won’t say how.
And there is the coincidence.

Another thing. We were supposed to go karting today but we were late. Oh well, shit happens. But when you’re annoyed, baited by all the drivers suited up and ready to race and worried about losing £45 you don’t want a woman jumping on your knee, bouncing off my lip and nearly ripping my leather jacket. I have only just calmed down now.

Nice girl though…and if she’s reading this, don’t bloody do it again!!!

Oh…dear brain…what else to talk about which will get me trouble? Honesty over powers trouble dear brain…oh dear brain you are such a pain.

**BLOG EDITED - CUT HERE**

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

1.What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Move out into my own place, go naked in a German spa, get together with a Taiwanese girl for a bit.

2.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
New years resolutions are for feeble willed idiots.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Thank fuck.

4.Did anyone close to you die?
Ditto.

5.Did you fall in love in 2007?
What is love? When it comes to girls its never as straight forward as ’she likes you’…their desire is 3 dimensional….its town between love and sex with a z-axis of confusion thrown in for good measure.

6.What countries did you visit?
Germany…a beautiful place. I will be back!

7.What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
To have a bit less agony and a bit more Ecstasy.

8.What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 1st, when my Spanish flat mate Paloma moved in and I met Wenny. Good times

9.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being part of a great team at Digital Umbrella…fond memories!

10.What was your biggest failure?
Parting on bad terms with Mia at Stuttgart train station

11.Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, not unless you count a broken heart at times

12.What was the best thing you bought?
iPhone and Wii. Lovely memories of marathon golf sessions with Wenny (she was a golf and bowling pro!!)

13.Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Andy’s generosity

14.Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Mia is pretty high on the list but that can kinda be put down to things I can understand. The people (who will remain nameless) who snubbed Mathew’s flat warming party in Macclesfield has to be top though - baffling, appalling and most certainly depressing. Oh and also Joe’s constant holy war against all things Manchester…keep it to yourself!!

16.Where did most of your money go?
Fucking tax, fucking rent, fucking electricity, fucking beer.

17.What events did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Mark in Germany once I was free as a bird in Munich, and the CSS gigs - a real buzz. But most of all - the anticipation of seeing my friends for beers.

18.What song will always remind you of 2007?
Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death From Above - CSS

19.Compared to this time last year, are you:
i.happier or sadder? Happier.
ii.thinner or fatter? Exactly the same as the year before, and the year before that…
iii.richer or poorer? Richer

20.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Film making with Sam.

21.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Going to Nightclubs - without a doubt. Easy answer!

21.How will you be spending Christmas?
My mum, her partner Steve and a mental dog called Spike - then my sister and her adopted family!

22. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
CSS. Rediscovery? David Bowie

23. Who were the best new people you met?
Kristina - without any doubt. And Annabel. Lovely people…and intelligent.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
To know when to spot a fool and know why they’re a fool - learn from their mistakes, even if the fool is you!

25. What are your plans for 2008?:
I don’t plan a day in advance never mind a year, but I’d say getting a car, furthering my career in Manchester, going on a proper summer holiday, making a film, cheering on Lewis Hamilton to the 2008 F1 championship!!

So I went to Liverpool with Katy the other day. And she has a girlcrush on the female guitarist of CSS.

A night as colourful and visceral as this is hard to put into words - words don’t suit the experience at all athough the name of the support act comes close. Joe Lean and The Jing Jang Jong!

Before the gig started we talked about The Smiths and Joy Division in the empty bar below the main hall. There were a lot of souse accents about, but seriously Liverpool is one of my favourite cities. It has a proud history, a great culture and some of the best buildings in the country. OK, so they may be slowly being nicked brick by brick, but you get what I mean - go and visit before its all gone.

The support act had finished so we went up stairs. The gig was full of students - anyone over 25 was officially a bit old. This was a bit worrying but once the band came on we all danced as one delighted party crowd.

Nu Rave is an addictive style…bright colours attract me like a scouse magpie to a shiny alloy hub cap. A purple hoodie, a yellow CSS t-shirt and skinny jeans was the extent of my Nu Raving though, I missed out the neon bracelets and face-paint. And also the spandex costumes Lovefoxx is so fond of. So she comes on stage dressed as a Christmas present again, she shakes it off to reveal the slinky spandex catsuit and suddenly I am in the middle of another CSS gig, my 3rd this year.

For this one though, we were right at the front - it was incredible. The band are also getting more and more supreme every time I see them. Lovefoxx was baiting us, throwing out her mic and catching before it had chance to fall into the hands of the crowd. CSS have a knack of catching English people when their reserves are down - at summer festivals or in the 2 weeks before Christmas. And it works like a charm. The new songs are really growing on me now. Roll on the new album.

During the gig, we had quite a hard time keeping our place at the front. For a start, my jeans were falling down and some girl had her arms around my waist, however little did I know she was pulling me back. And poor Katy had a girl’s hand wrapped round her face for most of the concert, being dragged back in a bitchy way by a bitchy bitch behind us. Afterwards someone tried nicking a t-shirt but they turned a blind eye to it - apart from the t-shirt seller who was yelling at the bouncers to go after the ‘fucking little bastard’. They didn’t bother. Next up was a lad who’d decided to get himself chucked out, but rather than willingly oblige he wrestled with two bouncers in the deluded belief he’d win. He didn’t.

Afterwards we found ourselves in an Irish pub. Liverpool, being the main port and gateway to Ireland has quite a big community of Irish people and they didn’t seem shocked in the least to see two neon coloured idiots stumble through the door as pissed as a leprechaun on cider.

Its been a brilliant year for music.

Finally the lovechild of indie rock and dance has grown up and what a creative kid it’s turned out to be.

But going back to that girlcrush again. It amazes me. That girls can aspire to be someone sexy, but also aspire to bed them even though they’re completely straight…wow. Sexuality is elastic. Either that or she’s a lesbian.

I’m off to watch the Crack Fox’s appearance in the Mighty Boosh. For he is truly someone to aspire to be.

Andy and I woke up on the morning of the race a little hung over. In fact we woke up on the afternoon of the race and didn’t even have time for breakfast. We reached the race track and got changed into our overalls.

4 overalls later, I was given one that fitted and we entered the briefing room. Karting is dangerous.

Gone are the days at Daytona Manchester when the briefing video featured Shane Richie being rather politically incorrect about Michael Schumacher. The new one is a lot slicker. Martin Brundle - since retiring from Formula One, up for anything to get back on the track it seems! - talked us through the safety briefing and demonstrated how to behave on track and to take notice when the marshals show you a black flag for aggressive driving. This track is really well organised and the facilities are first class. We were to race 3 heats each out of a total of 21 heats of 8 cars each, there were around 54 drivers competing for a place in the top 10 Grand Final. But first we had to qualify for the semi-final - two races of 10 cars.

Now suited up with our overalls, gloves and my own custom paint job helmet which I am very fond of, we got into the karts. My underwear was on fire with anticipation and excitement.

The commentator said - ‘and they’re off!’, and with that I overtook some drivers who better remain nameless, for I humiliated them, knocking them into the dust! Andy and I didn’t ever race in the same heat unfortunately - I was looking forward to a good wheel bashing with ‘the small Richard Hammond look-a-like manchild’.

The first heat I raced up from 7th on the grid to take 3rd, then I won my next two heats to line up in pole position for the semi-final. Andy lined up for his semi-final after winning one of his heats, but then DISASTER. He lost ground on the first lap and ended up 5th - drawing with another driver in 11th place on points - one place away from qualifying for the Grand Final. I had lined up 2nd in the overall championship after winning the semi-final and would start from 2nd on the grid for the Grand Final - this was lucky, because I had the best line down to the first and 2nd corners from the 2nd grid slot position.

The guy I’d raced hard to win the semi-final from his 2nd place, was a friendly chap - but warned me that if I tried the ‘inside line’ trick on him again at the 2nd corner, I’d be in trouble!

Suddenly it was time for the Grand Final and the lights dimmed, Eye of The Tiger came on, and the spotlights shone onto the grid of karts awaiting their drivers.

Reid stepped into the ring, walking to the kart while waving enthusiastically the crowd. #Just a man and his will to survive# #Its the eye of the tiger!#

Then the commentator piped up with much fan-fair - ‘AND NOW…A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR ANTHONY REID!’…confusing me with the touring car driver Anthony. Thanks for that.

I settled into the kart, my visor slightly open to let in some cool air. My hands gripped the wheel like my life depended on it - it did.

“3,2,1 and its GOOOO! GOOO! GOOO!!!”

I wrestled for the lead, and took it!! I had to hold on…but oh no, whats this?!

A guy in a dark black helmet edged up the outside of a tight corner and overtook me into the long fast straight round the back of the circuit. The crowd squealed in excitement.

“I’ll have in back on the next lap, I have the legs on him” I thought to myself.

But he pulled away slightly, until the gap rested at around 4 seconds. I was pushing to the limit and in the zone - suddenly time seemed to slow down and I became the pilot of my own destiny. I was closing in on the lead!

Then some back markers were to be lapped, and YES YES!! The leader was stuck behind them. I closed the gap down to 2.5 seconds but it was just not enough to beat ‘Neil’.

He crossed the line victorious - seconds later I came in 2nd place - I felt gracious in defeat and shuck his hand.

“There is always ONE who gets in the way!” I thought.

This was a great day out - next time I will win. However my sister is coming and when she drove a kart as a 5 year old she drove like a devil thundering down from the outer atmosphere in a spaceship.

Thankfully, the barmaid took pitty on Andy and gave him a trophy to borrow for this photos with new McLaren F1 driver A Reid. Mine however, will go in the trophy cabinet at Reid head quarters in Manchester - a momentum of a momentous 2nd place out of 54 drivers. Anyway, enough from me now - I’m off to celebrate with the pit girls and a nice bottle of champaign.

There is a fine line between madness and genius. As I watch an interview with the young David Bowie made in the 70’s, he is off his head. Sitting with incredibly edgy nervousness, constantly prodding and moving his stylish black cane. The thin-white duke seems like a fish out of water without his band. Or maybe this strange behaviour it is at least part due to the sheer mound of drugs which circulated around his head between 1965 and 1980, when he sobered up in Berlin, made some of his best songs and then as the drugs finally faded from his system started an artistic decline which would last nearly 20 years.

A second interview, in 2002 - and he’s almost normal. He remembers his upbringing, and tells of how he was attracted to The Planets orchestral symphonies because they had such strange chords in them. He remembers his mother’s singing, and tells of how he thought that how he - maybe - might be able to sing just as well.

He jokes around.

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad”. Audiences laughs.
“They fill you with all their faults and add some more just for you!”. More laughter.

Parkinson asks “Where did Ziggy Stardust come from?”

Bowie simply doesn’t know.

Maybe he is indeed ‘a normal guy’ but as with all geniuses, something has to give - and it’s usually the part of your mind that contains sanity. He’s a normal insane person. With an incredible gift for being the best solo artist in the history of rock ‘n roll.

Is he bi-sexual? Quite probably - looking at the cover of Hunky Dory just now, he’s draped over a couch wearing a dress.

Does Bowie’s differently coloured pupils give a glimpse into the unearthly genius that lies behind? I do think his brain was structured in a radically different way to everyone else, apart from maybe Bob Dylan. The spirit of Dylan haunts Bowie’s every song, especially during the 70’s.

David Bowie was out of place here - so much so that the 70’s changed to suit Bowie. He was out of his era before it had even begun.

While the 80’s was a lack-of-drugs induced hang-over from the 70’s, Bowie did some cracking songs.

How about Be My Wife, where he sings dead-pan about love. This is the most dead-pan love song ever sang.

“Sometimes I get so lonely. I’ve been all over the world. Be my wife. Share my life”

Or how about China Girl - a sheer lust song about the exotic Asian temptress who was probably the only girl on Earth who could satisfy a sex machine like Bowie, at the height of his rock ‘n roll stardom.

“I’m a mess without my little china girl. Wake up in the morning with my little china girl. I hear her heart beating, loud as thunder. I saw the stars crashing down”

David Bowie is not just a word-smith he’s an actor of extraordinary ability - it’s his delivery of his lyrics that make my the hairs on my arm stand on edge.

As the 1974 interview continues, Bowie removes his overcoat and begins to relax. He explains that people used to bring canes to his gigs, and he liked them, so now he has one himself. It’s a glimpse of Bowie’s ability to take up a tiny part of fashion, add it to his arsenal and use it to conquer the world. He explains to the interviewer what ‘black noise’ is. He explains his idea of a noise bomb, that has such a great effect on people it changes them, shaping a era or a movement - or just an entire fashion scene.

It may be an outburst of bullshit from dancing to the interviewer’s probing over analysis, it is Bowie himself who invites it - but this rather preposterous idea, it rings true. Not a lot of music is so good as to be black noise. But Bowie really is that good.

I’ve never been to a Christmas themed gig before. Featuring a Brazilian band. Who came on dressed as presents. Who’s lead singer threw off the present to reveal a bright green sparkling full body skin tight Lycra suit.

Yes it was time for another CSS gig.

While I was waiting for Kristina I got to see some of the support acts - Metromony and Justice.

Throughout the first support act Metromony the Manchester Academy was filling up. As CSS weren’t due on till 10pm I found this a bit of an abnormality. Many people were wearing neon crosses round their necks. I assumed this had something to do with CSS but couldn’t place it. Sure enough, all was revealed when Justice were unveiled.

The black covers were cast off the huge amp on stage, with many flashing red, green and blue lights peering out at us….but central to all of this was a giant light-giving crucifix. I was transfixed.

This band were French and like their country-mates Daft Punk had a stripped down electro-pop sound crossbred with an amazingly anthemic dance-techno-trance beat. It appears the band came under CSS’s radar after Lovefoxx started dating the lead singer of The Klaxons, for it was Justice who spat out an amazing remix of the Klaxon’s hit As Above, So Below and supported them on their tour. While I am naturally gutted that Lovefoxx has chosen the lead singer of The Klaxons over myself, for instance…but I am pleased the bands seem to be striking up something of a synergy. Pressing forwards together to grab the hearts and minds of the world. In 10 years time they’ll be remembered as pop-innovators of the best kind alongside David Bowie and Blur.

Towards the middle of Justice, Kristina arrived and we had a drink and waited in great anticipation for CSS. At this point the place was absolutely packed. Bizzarely a security guard rushed through the crowd past us holding a man in front of him by the neck like some kind of puppet, with a torch over his head. Was he chucking someone out? No, it turns out they were accomplices going to fetch a first aid kit from the back of the stage. The burly security guard was using the man like a battering ram. A bit later they rushed back through the crowd the other way with a big green box with a white cross on it. This was some organisational feat. I tell you now - you never get bored at a Manchester Academy gig.

“Alala, alala
Would you be kind?
Gimme one little more
And I’ll be superfine”

It was nearly time. CSS really are a sexy band. Their music is some kind of mix between New York electro-pop and British electro-punk. There is nothing more appealing than a Brazilian girl in that tall and skinny San Paulo way playing the keyboard like she was born to do it. But true beauty needs a degree of imperfection. What makes them sexy is not that they all have faces like supermodels but they have creativity, stage presence and sky-high confidence and they each have a distinct image that suits them. Guitarist Luiza is like a female version of the young Keith Richards. Bassist Ira is like a sexy Brian May but with hair that actually suits her. Together they are super-talented.

Lead singer Lovefoxxx is a mixture of German and Japanese. Together these genetics seem to have turned her into an alien from the future and she dances like one too.

There was an explosion and it began snowing, then a glittering sound emanated through the atmosphere. Each stage-hand had been dressed as an elf. The band members, each hidden under a giant present costume, shuffled slowly onto the stage. Then suddenly as the first note rang out each one of them cast off the costumes and began the first song Fuck Off Is Not The Only Thing You Have To Show.

If CSS ever stop partying they’ll cease to exist. The party was explosive - nothing moves you like CSS. Throbbing bass lines, muscular drums, chicks on guitars, Lovefoxx’s mix of English and Portuguese lyrics delivered with a matter-of-fact sexy snarl, a lady-like cooo and last but not least a huge joyous shout. A electronic drum pattern then kicks up a fuss, spitting and skiting its way through countless ricochets, echoing like a music angel around the room.

“From all the drinks I get drunk of music
From all the bitches the one I wanna be is music”

Then suddenly it was all over and Kristina and I went off to the pub, followed by a quest for chocolate at 2am in the morning.